I’ve spent the last few months fluctuating between feeling gratitude and frustration.
I’ve felt so grateful that the Lord has prepared me through previous experiences for this current trying time. Yet, I’ve felt so overwhelmed that I’ve cried out that I didn’t ask for this and I don’t want it anymore.
Our youngest child was born with numerous health complications, more than were predicted at her 20 week ultrasound. And while she is in pretty good health, having made it to full-term gestation, her needs are complex.
This has caused me to reroute a lot of my mental and physical energy to caring for her. And I’ve wished for the days a few months ago, when I had the energy to play with my older kids, to focus on inspiring their homeschooling, to read literature that I’m interested in, to write. And at times I can’t understand why I’ve been given this trial.
Moses felt the same way. “He asked the Lord, ‘Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me?
‘Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their ancestors?'” –Numbers 11:11-12
When Moses said in effect, “I didn’t ask for this.” The Lord said, “find some help.” He allowed Moses to feel the way that He did. He offered support. But He didn’t take the role from Moses. Moses continued to walk in the role the Lord had given him, all the way to the promised land. He had support. And he made it.
Right now, I’m grasping the help that God offers on the way to the promised land. I am still going to be my daughter’s mother. God isn’t going to take that from me. But I am looking for the help.
I have seen miracles in the right people being right where I need them when I need them. I have seen miracles in the Lord lifting me through the help that He sends. And as I trust Him, I hope for a better world. The promised land of eternity.